DSI Top
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: And that's when the fight started

  1. #1
    Team Dirt Bag NUTTZ T8er S.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Posts
    5,937

    And that's when the fight started

    A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
    Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?'
    'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle .
    We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'
    'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny.
    Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!''
    'I don't remember much after that'
    Last edited by T8er S.; 05-21-2014 at 03:09 PM. Reason: corked

  2. The following 5 users Like T8er S.'s post:


  3. #2
    NUTTZ
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Hooper Utah
    Posts
    1,979

    Re: And that's when the fight started


  4. The following 2 users Like Sleek Freak's post:


  5. #3
    Team Dirt Bag NUTTZ T8er S.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Posts
    5,937

    Re: And that's when the fight started

    A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper." Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub." He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."
    Last edited by T8er S.; 10-15-2014 at 01:37 PM. Reason: soggy bottom

  6. The following 6 users Like T8er S.'s post:


  7. #4
    Team Dirt Bag NUTTZ T8er S.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Posts
    5,937

    Re: And that's when the fight started



    Last edited by T8er S.; 10-19-2014 at 09:39 AM. Reason: I'd be a multi millionaire

  8. The following 4 users Like T8er S.'s post:


  9. #5
    Team Dirt Bag NUTTZ T8er S.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Posts
    5,937

    Re: And that's when the fight started

    How do you make your wife scream during sex? Call her and let her listen!
    Last edited by T8er S.; 12-02-2014 at 02:22 PM. Reason: get a rope

  10. The following 2 users Like T8er S.'s post:


  11. #6
    Team Dirt Bag NUTTZ T8er S.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Posts
    5,937

    Re: And that's when the fight started

    Fresh from her shower, she stood in front of the mirror complaining to me that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, I uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion.

    "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds"
    Willing to try anything, she fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

    "How long will this take?" she asked.

    "They will grow larger over a period of years," I replied.

    She stopped.

    "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
    Without missing a beat I say: "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

    I'm still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, I may even walk again although I will probably continue to take my meals through a straw.
    Last edited by T8er S.; 02-17-2015 at 02:48 PM. Reason: Hugh Jas

  12. The following 4 users Like T8er S.'s post:


  13. #7
    Team Dirt Bag NUTTZ T8er S.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Posts
    5,937

    Re: And that's when the fight started

    While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart. A very attractive golfer, who lived in the Villages on a golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay?”
    "I'm okay. Thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.
    She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later." I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure.
    "That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it.”
    "Oh, come on now " she insisted. She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive.
    I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed. After a couple of Scotch and waters, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd better go now.”
    "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?”
    I replied, "Still under the cart, I guess".
    Last edited by T8er S.; 04-06-2017 at 02:57 PM. Reason: scared

  14. The following 2 users Like T8er S.'s post:


  15. #8
    Team Dirt Bag NUTTZ T8er S.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Posts
    5,937

    Re: And that's when the fight started

    One evening last week, my wife and I got into bed. We were fooling around, the passion started to heat up, when she suddenly says:
    “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

    I said, “WHAT? Then what was all that about?!?”
    Then she uttered the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…
    “You’re just not in touch enough with my emotional needs as a woman, for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
    She saw my puzzled look and said, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?”
    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
    The very next day I decided to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
    I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her “we’ll just buy them all”.
    She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

    We went to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
    I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”
    She was almost nearing ecstatic satisfaction from all of the excitement.
    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT??!!!”
    Then I said, “Really, honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch enough with my financial needs as a man, for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
    Last edited by T8er S.; 01-27-2018 at 05:02 AM. Reason: tomb stone picked out

  16. The following user Likes T8er S.'s post:


  17. #9
    Team Dirt Bag NUTTZ T8er S.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Posts
    5,937

    Re: And that's when the fight started

    Imagine coming home to your wife in bed, you tell her a joke and the guy under the bed starts giggling!
    Last edited by T8er S.; 01-27-2018 at 05:05 AM. Reason: i cant fit under beds

  18. The following user Likes T8er S.'s post:

    AG6

  19. #10
    Team Dirt Bag NUTTZ T8er S.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Posts
    5,937

    Re: And that's when the fight started

    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	29792558_2062004494020069_4688321649001704270_n.png 
Views:	14 
Size:	293.1 KB 
ID:	19750
    Last edited by T8er S.; 04-04-2018 at 03:45 PM. Reason: bwaaak

  20. The following 2 users Like T8er S.'s post:


Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •