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Thread: Little Johnny Jokes!

  1. #11
    Team Dirt Bag NUTTZ T8er S.'s Avatar
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    Re: Little Johnny Jokes!

    Little Johnny had just returned from his summer break and gone back to school.
    Three days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
    "Hold on," she said.
    "I had Johnny with me for the entire summer and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

    An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor.
    Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, "If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn't fall like that.
    The old man looked up and replied, "If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus."

    The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class,
    "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"
    Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"
    The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.
    The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal am satisfied that it is the truth."
    Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story...
    After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"
    Last edited by T8er S.; 11-10-2013 at 08:45 AM. Reason: Don't be callin me about that

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  3. #12
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    Re: Little Johnny Jokes!

    A Sunday School teacher was telling the children that God created everything, including human beings.
    Little Johnny became fascinated when the teacher told him how Eve was made out of one of Adam's ribs.
    Later that week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were in pain, and asked, Johnny, what's the matter sweetie? Little Johnny replied, "I have a pain in my side! I think I'm going to have a wife!"

    A door-to-door salesman comes-a-knocking and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, a beer in one hand and a lit cigar in the other.
    The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mommy home?"
    Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What the hell do you think?"

    Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily.
    His mother asked, "What's the matter now?">br> "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears. ,
    "That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"
    "I did!" sobbed Johnny.
    Last edited by T8er S.; 11-10-2013 at 08:59 AM. Reason: Hammer time

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  5. #13
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    Re: Little Johnny Jokes!

    Not really little Johnny but....
    A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

    He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'

    The boy replied, 'What turkey?'

    The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'

    The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'

    The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.

    If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'

    The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his butt and let him go!'

    Don't eat too much.
    Last edited by T8er S.; 11-28-2013 at 09:33 AM. Reason: Wrap the turkey up In aluminum foil...........

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  7. #14
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    Re: Little Johnny Jokes!

    One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a living.
    All the typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
    However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher
    prodded him about his mother, he replied, "Well my mother's an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes in front of men and they put money in her under-wear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
    The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your mother?"
    No," the boy said, "She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
    Last edited by T8er S.; 05-01-2015 at 03:14 PM. Reason: Hillary won't blow it

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    Re: Little Johnny Jokes!

    "Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Johnny.
    "It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
    Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Johnny what he meant by that.
    Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Johnny and trouble were old friends but he always told the truth.
    "You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreled shot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!''
    "Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!

    "My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barrelled 12-gauge shotgun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"
    "Miss Russell, we all been pluckin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"
    Last edited by T8er S.; 03-03-2018 at 06:00 AM. Reason: jerky

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